The Journey Begins … Never be unwilling to change

I am just a normal guy, with a normal life.  One thing I have come to understand during my short twenty four years here on earth is that we all experience life in different ways.  I want to share with you a year in my life.  I will share with you daily the thoughts and experiences I have during each day.  I can only promise that I will share honestly with you my thoughts each day as I experience life.  I hope that the the experiences I have and the lessons I learn bless you in some way.

And so the journey begins …

September 2: Take it into Consideration

How often do we take in to consideration the impact of our actions, choices, thoughts, behaviors before they occur?

I can only speak for myself and I know for me the answer to that question; rarely.  I find myself retrospectively analyzing the impacts of my actions, choices, words etc. much more often than considering the impact before.

This concept has presented itself to the world in the form of every person’s “environmental footprint.”  We take into consideration how our actions are  impacting the environment and we try to live in a way that has the least negative impact.  We ask ourselves the question of: “Will this harm the environment”, but do we ever ask ourselves the question of: “Will what I say/do/think harm someone else or myself?”

I know that I need to live in a way that is more proactive in considering how the way I live my life impacts those around me.  I need to ask myself if I am living my life in a way that is benefiting others.

I want to leave this world knowing that I did all I could to leave the world in a better place than I found it.

I need to be intentional with the way I am.  I need to intentionally consider what I do and what I say before it happens.

September 1, 2010: Questioned Longing

What are you longing for?

Why are you longing for it?

Why do we long for things in general?

If  life ended today without you getting what you longed for, how would your personal legacy here on earth change?

Is longing for something taking away anything from your capacity to appreciate today?

Is your longing interfering with your personal relataionships?

Once you finally get what you are longing for, do you think you will stop longing for things all together?

If we are always longing for something, is it possible to ever be truly satisfied?

I want to long for nothing so that I can live satisfied in the moments

May 15: One Game Defines it All …

So if I haven’t said it enough already I will say it again now; “I am a huge Lebron James fan.”  And if you have been anywhere near a television, radio or newspaper within the past few days you know that Lebron played a pretty terrible game against the Celtics last night in a pivotal playoff game.  I could go on for hours about Lebron and his performance on tuesday but that isn’t what this post is about.  It’s about writing people off.

I’ve listened to reporter after reporter bash Lebron James and talk about how he has ruined the legacy he is going to leave when he is done in the NBA.  I’ve listened to people talk about how disrespectful his performance was to the game of basketball and how his performance displayed a lack of commitment to his team.

While watching the game did it look like Lebron gave up?  Yes it sure did.  During the game did it look like Lebron stopped trying and checked out?  You betcha.  But you know what has been on my mind since I watched him play on tuesday?  What has been on my mind is the fact that tuesday night was ONE GAME.  Tuesday night was one game out of thousands he has played before that, and what is everyone remembering?  Everyone is remembering the one game he may have given up and forgetting what he has done the other thousand games during his career.

Anyway, enough about Lebron James.  This whole situation with Lebron James in my mind represents just how quickly we as human beings allow one event in a person’s life define who they are as a person.  We so easily forget everything positive about people when something negative comes to light.  This whole situation has reminded me of how easily we turn against one another and write each other off.

Why do we turn on each other and write each other off so easily?  I feel like I could do great things for others, yet if I fall once or make a mistake one time I am all of a sudden an entirely different person.  I believe that part of the reasoning behind writing others off is to feed the fire that drives our need to believe we are better than others.  If we can find fault in others, no matter the cause, we in our own minds are better people.

It seems unfair to allow one instance of negativity to define an individual.  We need to stop writing people off and allowing our own desire to satiate our insecurities to hurt our relationships with others.

Last time I checked we all had at least one thing in common, and what we have in common is that we all make mistakes.  Mistakes and saying the wrong thing are universal.  One thing that needs to not be universal is how we give up on people and write each other off.

Life is too short to be lived out of negativity and criticism of other people.

Don’t let one game define your view of others.  Believe that within us all lies the capacity to be better and to do great things.  In order to become better people and to achieve greatness there is one thing that is necessary and that one thing is support from one another.

Don’t write people off.  See potential in those around you instead of what may be holding them back.

May 14: Are Your Needs Being Met?

I think this is an important part of life that often gets overlooked, especially with people who constantly try to please or meet the needs of others.

During the hooding ceremony for my master’s degree one student spoke about her needs being met.  It was a powerful story that she told, and one that has made me think about what it takes to have your needs met.

I have to admit until I heard this woman talk about having her needs met I never once actually sat down to think about if my needs were being met or not.  I think life can be radically different if we focus (not in a selfish way) on understanding our own needs and living lives/entering relationships that assist us in meeting our needs.

The first step in this whole process I believe is to understand yourself and your needs.  When is the last time you sat down and thought about what you actually needed out of yourself, out of others, out of relationships, out of a job etc?

My personal answer to the above question, is that the only thing I have sat down and thought about is what I personally need from a job.  I have not taken the time to sit down and think about what I personally need from my interactions with myself and others on a daily basis.  It sounds like such a selfish thing to do, but I think at it’s core is the belief that without knowing your own needs you can not truly meet the needs of others.

If I don’t understand myself, and my needs are not being met can I truly exist as a human being in a way that benefits others?  I think the answer to that question is no.

I believe the integration of meeting our own needs and others is a way to live a life that benefits all people we come in contact with.

Take time to understand yourself, and gain an understanding of what you need.  Until that happens I don’t know if meeting other’s needs can truly occur in a pure form.

I hope that you will join me in understanding ourselves.

May 13: The Forgotten Stage of Change

I realized something while I was driving home to Pennsylvania from Tennessee this past Sunday. I’m not totally sure what it was that made me realize this but I hope it impacts you on some level, as it impacted me.

I realized that, “In order for me to change on a personal level, I must be able to accept myself where I am at.”

I realized that one step in the process of change is allowing ourselves to simply exist in what we perceive as a negative state.

I believe this to be true because when we realize something needs to be changed, we must also realize that we are incomplete and imperfect people.

Once that state can be accepted I believe change can ensue.

For example, if I smoked and wanted to stop, I can not achieve that until I recognize where I am at the current moment and allow myself to exist there.

I think part of changing is being able to recognize our own insecurities and allow ourselves to move past them.

Not sure if this makes sense, but the point is this …

In order for change to occur, we must be able to sit with the fact that we are not perfect.

May 12: Let’s see what Lebron James is made of …

I believe that who we truly are individually is exposed during the trying and difficult moments of our lives.

When faced with those situations some of us succeed and some of us fail.

Yesterday the Cleveland Cavaliers lost and so did Lebron James.  He played like he had never seen a basketball before.  So now he is faced with a career defining moment when he faces Boston in game 6 of this playoff series.  My hope is that Lebron James proves that he is capable of being the best player of all time.  Anyway, I digress.

Can you remember your “Lebron James Game 6 vs the Celtics” moment?  Or have you not had one yet?

I think we all need to be aware that in our lives we will be faced with times when we will find out who we truly are and what we are made of.  If those moments lead us to believe we are not who we want to be the good news is, we all still have time to change.

This is a horrible post.  But just be reminded that in order to be what you want to be, you need to understand who you are and what you are made of.

May 11: Here’s a Question …

So I think today deserves a question that should be discussed with others … Here it is ….

Why do we as human beings so quickly judge other people?

I have always wondered about this.  Why is there an innate desire to judge others and to find fault in other people?

Just something to think about. Not sure there is a right answer, but I hope this can  bring about solid discussion.

May 10: The Art of Confrontation.

Confrontation is never easy, but I would argue that confrontation is a necessary aspect of life.

I know there are people in the world who confront others too much.  There are others who never confront others in fear of not “pleasing” someone else.  I would argue that either of those extremes are not positive or useful.

Confrontation is something that needs to exist in balance.  Confrontation is an art that needs to be mastered so that it is done in a way that conveys love and concern for someone instead of contempt for someone.

I have never had an experience in my life in which confrontation has not proved to be impactful on some level.  If we live lives in fear of confrontation, we in turn live lives that are not truly authentic.
I don’t believe there is any viable excuse for living without confrontation aside from the fact that it is a cowardly act.

Direct confrontation is something that needs to be aptly timed and lovingly planned out, but at the same time it needs to be a part of our lives.  If no one ever confronted me about anything my life would not be where it is today.

Confrontation is love, in it’s truest and most authentic form.  I think we need to confront others so that we can stop going behind other people’s backs and begin dealing with each other directly.

Confrontation is a necessary part of life.  Without it we would all just stay the same.

May 9: Discussions

Discussions way too often turn into arguments.  Why is that?  I think it is because we value our own opinions too much.  We value our own opinions so much that we begin to turn our opinions into absolute truth.

I’m wondering when the last time was when you had an open discussion with someone?

A discussion in which you were truly listening for the sole purpose of understanding the other person’s point of view.  I am horrible at this.  I will listen to people who are friends, but will not be truly listening.  I am listening in that I am hearing, but I am not attempting to holistically understand them.  I need to work on that for sure.

There is a misunderstanding between two things in our world today.  Those two things are: “understanding” and “accepting something as truth.”

I feel like we have joined the concepts in our minds that, “If I understand something, I have accepted it as truth in my life.  Therefore I can not work at understanding a concept or idea that I don’t agree with, because I don’t believe it should be accepted as truth.”

I want to throw out the possibility of human beings working together to understand one another.  We can understand one another without accepting everyone’s different beliefs to be absolute truth.

Understanding leads to awareness.  Awareness leads to change.

I will hold to what I believe to be true, but I will also attempt to understand other human beings beliefs so that I can be a more productive member of this world.

May 8: Common Enemies

One of the most powerful joining forces in our world today is the concept of a common enemy.

Having a common enemy is quite often more powerful than common beliefs and or values.  If there are differences between people they can easily be overlooked if there is a common enemy to focus on.

Think of it in terms of when the United States went to war with the axis of evil during World War II.  Think of how much animosity there was towards the United States as we delayed entering the war until we were personally attacked.  I imagine there was a lot of animosity, but when we decided to join the war we were welcomed with enthusiasm because we were no longer the enemy, we now had a common enemy.

Common enemies unite us in an amazing way, but that’s not always a good thing.  At times we create common enemies so that we can join with others.  At times we create common enemies out of family members.  At times we create common enemies out of innocent people,  simply for the purpose of having someone to mutually go against with someone else.

Creating common enemies is easy, and it appears to be harmless to the people involved.  But to the person who is now the common enemy it has a large impact.

Who are your common enemies?

Should we have common enemies?

I think we should find ways to join with others that are founded in commonalities of values/beliefs/opinions, not founded in a despising or angst against another human being.

We are bigger than that. At least I think we are.